Author: Denise

Denise’s Favorite 23 in ‘23

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Note: I created this list a month ago and have read at least 10 good books since, so I feel this list isn’t as accurate as it should be. I’m also happy to embrace “good enough” so I can go play now. Love!

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I’m a Better Person For Reading These Novels

1Remarkably Bright CreaturesShelby Van PeltHe gives hugs. And this octopus is a remarkably bright creature. I hope the humans around him turn out as well. I already predict it is one of the best books I’ll be reading this year.
2A Gentleman in MoscowAmor TowlesAn oddly American perspective of 20th century Russia, as seen from a gentleman sentenced to live the rest of his life in (the finest) hotel in Moscow.  Towles takes that idea and rocks the characters, plot, and prose; he also made my 2022 list with The Lincoln Highway.
3Harry’s TreesJon CohenIgnore the dumb title. Here, fairy tale and contemporary tragedy collide and create… a beautiful novel about love and hope and goodness and guilt and growth. Even the Big Bad Wolf’s heart may grow a size or two.
4Snow Lane  Josie Angelini  I adored this “children’s novel” about family dynamics and secrets you don’t even really know you are keeping, because it is your normal. Fifth grader Annie also has dyslexia and is a positive model of what that can look like. This also adds to the list of stories of boy-girl friendship and learning how to talk and listen to each other.
5Kind of Spark, A  Elle McNicollAutistic heroine in Ireland embraces her differences and is heartbroken by the women who had been killed as witches in her Irish town’s past. This book has made Important Lists for tween and teen readers. Not only did I learn a lot about autism in girls, this novel nudged me to get my own daughter assessed.
6Demon CopperheadBarbara KingsolverI don’t know David Copperfield well enough to draw all the parallels, but wow, my Woodinville bubble burst when I entered this Appalachian “backwater” and had to live with the consequences of mine owners creating systems of poverty, poor schools, limited opportunities, which became a fertile field for opioids. You will cheer for Demon but your heart will break for humanity many times over—but broken hearts grow back stronger and with greater capacity to love.
7Star FishLisa FippsEllie has been bullied for her weight since elementary and survives middle school by living by the Fat Girl Rules. Every single cruel comment is taken from the author’s own childhood. This is a great YA book for confronting our own fat-ism. And Ellie is easy to cheer for and love on her own merits.
8One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich  Aleksandor Solzhenitsyn  Not my usual book at all, but 1) Russian literature is almost always excellent, if stark, 2) I have not had a reasonably good day in a Russian prison in winter before and thought it would be a good contrast to my daily life, and 3) the book is short. The author spent ten years in the gulag before writing this.
9FireKeeper’s DaughterAngeline BoulleyI heard enough about this book to know I’d like it, but once I picked it up, I couldn’t stop listening to it.  This book covered the multiple worlds that Daunis straddles as half-native, half-white, woman-on-men’s-hockey-team. Drug dealers are recklessly killing mostly native girls…and Daunis is ready to protect all her worlds.
10Violin ConspiracyBrendan SlocumbUnfairness and Racism were almost their own characters in this story of a Black teen becoming a classical violinist in a White world and the mystery of his stolen Stradivarius. Reading teaches empathy but I barely survived reading this book in the protagonist’s shoes. The book has earned its acclaim.


Series That I’m Obsessed With

(Very Escapist, because who wants to stay in this life all the time?)

11Shades of Magic TrilogyV. E. Schwab (author of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue)I obsessed over this series of parallel Londons and good bad guys and bad good guys. Add a swashbuckling Lila, who fits no molds at all, other than as one who makes a third way when only two are possible, and I swoon.
12Charlotte Holmes TetralogyBrittany CavallaroCharlotte Holmes, the great-great-great granddaughter of Sherlock who inherited his genius and his faults, is quietly fighting personal demons at the New English private school that Jamie Watson just sent to. He should have stayed far away.
13Rook & Rose TrilogyM. A. Carrick  A con artist, fortune teller, crime boss, city guard, and two legendary shadows (and these make up just 3 people) are swept toward the same fate of saving their city. There will be plenty of intrigue and adventure to satisfy even this reader. Try to get past the confusing names—the story is worth it.
14Skyward Flight SeriesBrandon SandersonThis series is a family favorite—and we all want a Doom Slug when we grow up. Again, great fantasy author who somehow rocked YA sci-fi with a female protagonist. Final book was just published, making me very happy and very sad simultaneously.
15Legends of the First Empire The Rise and Fall Trilogy Riyria Chronicles Trilogy Riyria Revelations TrilogyMichael J. SullivanSullivan finally published Esrahaddon in 2023, the last book in this series that bridges Legends and Riyria. For reals, the combination of these books is my favorite series hands down. “So,” Royce said, “you want us to escape from this prison, kidnap the king, cross the countryside with him in tow while dodging soldiers who I assume might not accept our side of the story, and go to another secret prison so that he can visit an inmate?”

NonFiction That Made Me A Better Person—or Heroically Tried

16What Fresh Hell Is This? : Perimenopause, menopause, other indignities, and youHeather Corinna  Biggest takeaway (among many): That irritability we get in middle age may be the result of a fully developed person unable to live with the BS around her anymore.
17How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to every Moral QuestionMichael Schur“We should all care whether we’re doing something good or not, and thus try to do the best things we can.” Being a good a person is a job, and a hard one at that. But if you care about it, it may stat to seem less like work and more like a puzzle you can solve….You will feel like you are flourishing….Be the best version of yourselves.”
18Come As You Are: The surprising new science that will transform your sex lifeEmily Nagoski  Biggest Takeaway: “Women aren’t broken men.”    
19The World Record Book of Racist StoriesAmber Ruffin & Lacey LamarThe follow up to their first book doesn’t disappoint–infuriating, eye-opening, and hilarious–feeling appropriately guilty about laughing, thought it is certainly meant to speak truth with humor.
20Smart BrevityJim VanderHeiWrite concisely.  
21How the Other Half Eats  Priya Fielding-SinghInsight: [Moms] who have very tight food budgets have to buy only food their kid will eat—can’t waste it. Insight: [Moms] who have plenty of money are very hard on themselves and no one feels they are doing a great job with feeding their family well. Sigh.
22Fat Talk: parenting in the age of diet cultureVirginia Sole-SmithBiggest takeaway: “Fat doesn’t mean unhealthy.”  See “Star Fish” above for why fighting stereotypes with science and real people’s experiences is imperative to making us all better people.
23Poverty by AmericaMathew Desmond  I need to read this a few more times and make a slide presentation. The Pulitzer Prize–winning author reimagines the debate on poverty, making a ‘provocative and compelling’ (NPR) argument about why it persists in America: because the rest of us benefit from it.

Nugget: A Love Story

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Prologue:

Piper brought changes to the household this year when she, through clever manipulation, slide presentations, and likely out-and-out lies, convinced us to let her get a bearded dragon. And, full confession, I ♥ him! Nugget (Nugs, Nuggie) is like the grandson I’ve never had. I buy him cute outfits, I snuggle with him, I bring him treats of arugula and crickets, and he rides around on my shoulder. He’s been an emotional-support pet for Piper as he accompanies her to parades, Farmer’s Markets and holiday bazaars, and now that he has his own 10 gallon “RV” (instead of his 40 gallon home tank), he is able to do weekend trips with us as well. (Plagiarized from my 2023 Christmas letter.)

The idea of adopting a bearded dragon was concieved over a year ago, probably when Piper saw one at the local PetSmart. Art Gecko had been rehomed over a year ago when Piper (‘s mother) realized how much her interest had waned, so another terranium wasn’t up for debate. I held strong until Dwayne was in CA and Piper and her BFF presented a PowerPoint detailing all the reasons getting a beardie was a not a whim but a carefully thought out plan with growth opportunities and benefits. Their plan was doomed to fail. Until they were halfway through the presentation, and I realized I needed to Zoom Dwayne in so he could hold strong.

We both caved like my willpower at Trader Joe’s in December.

Nugs on the day he came home (May 7) and seven months later. He got bigger.

And just like that, I used up my 13 gigs of storage on WordPress. (Otherwise, there would have been more pictures of Nugget, believe you me.) I’ll be at the drawing board, if anyone needs me.

Happy Christmas Indeed!

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We started Christmas morning by sleeping in. Wes, for the only time this break, was up early-ish, but Piper was still working on her gifts for family, so she forbade stocking opening until after 9:30. (She had been up until 2am designing stickers for each of us in Canva and then got up to print them and cut them out Christmas morning. She spent the week up to Christmas sleeping until noon, then going back for a nap by 2pm. So she … didn’t have enough time??)

I love our tradition of opening our stockings first, particularly since I have the best Santa of the whole family before breakfasting. Often, there are some fun treats that turn into a yummy Christmas breakfast to fortify ourselves for post-breakfast gifts. (The giant box under the tree for me was a Lomi–basically a kitchen dirt-making appliance that Dwayne and I are having unabashed middle-age fun with.)

Hm, and it looks like I just took pictures of Nugget. That’s good feedback on my priorities. But it was his first Christmas and he enjoyed it immensely.

Holly Jolly, Merry Berry Christmas, Everyone!

Merry Christmas (Eve!)

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I’m publishing these mostly because this is the fanciest Wes has been (counting on fingers and frowning) … since he was in diapers and I dressed him??

As we all know that I’m post-dating these, I can say that Wes got a pair of onesie jammies on Christmas Eve and then wore those for 3 days straight. There’s a chance I won’t see him in skinny jeans again until (furrowed brow, calculating future odds) … until his wedding day?

Well, this Christmas message went of the rails quickly. I’ll post my annual Christmas letter next.

Since I’ve already lost control of this post, I’ll allow the pets to photobomb family gift-giving.

December Outings

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The youngers were pretty adament about not traveling over Break, so Dwayne turned the focus to doing local Christmas adventures, which I very much appreciated. 

He researched several options and I never would have found Willowbook Manor Tea and Chamomile Farm on my own. Kyla, Dwayne and I headed up on a blustery Saturday afternoon for a holiday tea. I loved that they had small samples of their teas to smell before ordering a pot. I think Dwayne and I will spend our next anniversary up here for tea and summer bike tour.

The girls and I went to the high school Bazaar, which is one of my favorite places to find excellent gifts…for myself. Piper brought along her emotional support dragon.

We took Kyla, her friend, and Wes to Snowflake Lane. Wes was less than impressed by the crowds and noise of the parade (and I couldn’t blame him!) but the Thai food afterwards made up for a lot.

We did an afternoon (okay, an hour) of ice skating. Oh, yeah, another activity that Piper prefered to sit out and freeze on the bleachers in a light sweater rather than partipate.

We tried to find something that all five of us would enjoy and we were about 90% successful at Seattle’s new Christmas Market. We were there on a rainy (ahem, we call it “warm snow” when we are trying to be Christmasy) day and rather than dress for it, some of us found it better to just complain about it (and not just enjoy the lack of crowds). But we all found yummy food and fun gifts to enjoy. I’m not sure I’d go back every year, but it won’t be my last Christmas Market.

Dwayne and I checked out Molbaks as it might be the last Christmas at this Santa favorite. I LOVE Dwayne being a polar bear–he makes me so happy.

I won’t do the final tally of which kids did how many events (cheerfully), but Dwayne and I get the 100% Participation Award and Best Attitude Life Achievement. I’ll take it!

Christmas Letter 2023

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WARNING: Immature Content. Not advised for those with manners or sense.

Dear Friends and Family, 

Each year, I am overwhelmed by the enormity of distilling our year to its elements. 2023 meant that Dwayne and I now parent three teens (good), traveled only the west coast (sad), and have a new pet (mixed—we didn’t lose any of the previous ones).

A year ago, Wes was taller than only the cats. Now he looks down on both of his sisters, and I wear my poofball hair high to keep my height advantage a little longer. Wes also was our first child to break a bone in an unlucky fall at parkour[1]. However, as the child who would roller blade on my kitchen counters before he was 3 years old, the only surprise is that it took him so long. This year, he has mastered both making the ultimate grilled cheese sandwich (oh, I’m hungry just thinking of it) and sneaking in extra screen time whenever my guard is down. We alternate between butting heads and affectionate hugs. He loves his CAD classes and printing 3D models…which also involves copious amounts of screen time. And yet, somehow, our almost-14-year-old has muscles and a six-pack.

Since this letter is all about bragging rights, my teen driver has caused far more damage than your teen driver…and all while hitting stationary objects. Last summer, she fatally maimed my third longest love affair—the minivan. Kyla loves being in Running Start for her junior year, taking morning classes at community college and afternoon classes at the high school. As a calculus student, she has officially surpassed my ability to help her with math. Kyla did an outdoor adventure this summer that including hiking part of the Pacific Crest Trail and kayaking through the San Juan islands, loving everything that her siblings would hate. But her favorite thing this year was learning that the bouncing thing that she does is called stimming[2]; she now has a term to understand herself. She’s undergoing assessment to understand her neuro-diversity better, but regardless of results, she’s still going to be someone who needs multiple lifetimes to explore all her interests. This kid can do anything… except park in a small space.

The middle child, after upping her meds a bit, is actually doing really well. Piper still thinks people are generally unnecessary, but she is excellent with littles, and now babysits at the church during the week while she continues to work with the 3-year-olds on Sundays. She’s adding ceramics to her artistic skillset, and she loves doing set work for the high school theater. Piper imagines her future in a bright yellow car… to go with her sunny disposition? Putting her and Kyla’s brains together make them the duo you want to be in an escape-room with.  

Piper brought changes to the household this year when she, through clever manipulation, slide presentations, and likely out-and-out lies, convinced us to let her get a bearded dragon. And, full confession, I ♥ him! Nugget (Nugs, Nuggie) is like the grandson I’ve never had. I buy him cute outfits, I snuggle with him, I bring him treats of arugula and crickets, and he rides around on my shoulder. He’s been an emotional-support pet for Piper. In contrast, she also has Timmy, who’s my mortal enemy, or at least his penis is. Timmy cat was supposed to die earlier this year of a urethra blockage, and I have the grave marker to prove it, but he pulled through again. He’s on his 8 ½ life, and I can’t find a vet who will chop off the offending part, because his editorial peeing is just a behavior thing. I would not countenance anyone I know putting up with a cat peeing all over their house, yet, here I am with my all my cleaning supplies. Future Adult Piper, know how much I loved you by dealing with your cat…but honestly, it’s getting to be a close call.

My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary (!) this year by renting a house for all of us in Whistler this last July. There’s 15 of us with spouses and grandchildren, and I loved our time exploring and playing together. We also got down to California to see family, and Dwayne was down more often to see his parents after his father’s health scare, and we are so grateful Dick is ending the year in far better shape than he began it.

Dwayne and my marriage turned old enough to drink this year, so we toasted it over pie. We keep trying to travel but are stymied by the extortion of the younger two to ruin any adventure for us.[3] Kyla always wants to join us but she has the busiest schedule of all. I can’t speak for Dwayne, but I am cheering on their aging progress so they can stop confounding My Plans. It will be easier to leave them when Piper gets her license and masters an alarm clock. One will happen this Valentine’s Day. The other will… well, I don’t know how to finish that sentence.

We were fortunate when Dwayne survived last winter’s rounds of tech layoffs and another re-org or two. He connects with the kids by talking STEM with Kyla, watching scary shows with Piper, and playing video games with Wes, sacrificing himself so I don’t have to.

I wasted 18 solid reading weeks to, ironically, take 3 intensive library science courses this year, mostly to keep my teaching certificate active. I can cut-and-paste my activities each year: school substitute and AirBnB host, tutor and volunteer, eye-rolling mother and smoochy wife, but I can now add that I am in the middle of the absolute fuckery of perimenopause[4], leveling up my delightful personality without, so far, decreasing my energy. I just turned 49 and have taken up something I never thought would be on the 2023 Bingo card: jogging, with the strict rule that I never have to run uphill or deny myself chocolate.

Sending this with love and hopes that 2024 brings you only good surprises and that next year’s letter doesn’t need to come with a PG-13 rating.

Happy Christmas and Merry Everything

Denise, with no blame to Dwayne, Kyla, Piper or Wes

[1] Truthfully, an unlucky fall would have been on his head or neck. He actually did the smart thing and sacrificed his wrist. I wanted to add the x-ray to the photocard, but the “X” the bones make is a little nauseating.

[2] “Stimming” means self-stimulation, usually associated with autism. Kyla describes it as a way of venting her biggest emotions. The rest of us describe it as an earthquake. 😉

[3]Seriously, I was trying to talk them into at least a Disneyland or Universal Studies trip this Christmas and both Piper and Wes replied, “Thanks, I’d rather stay home.” I am currently unsure who birthed these children. Oh. Oh. I just realized that my younger children are basically my homebody parents. Huh.

[4] I recently met up with a friend who was on her second period of the month. I couldn’t relate, as I was on Day 17 of mine. And periods are the easy part. Fuckery, indeed, she write at 2:15am, on another night of insomnia.

Holly Jolly Langley (and mostly, Mama)

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It’s been a few years, but we were finally on Whidbey during the Langley Holly Jolly Holiday Parade. Now that I’ve gotten a Christmas orca, Christmas goat, Christmas chicken, Christmas Easter Bunny, Christmas pony, Christmas Krampus, Christmas beard, and the Grinch and Santa, I feel like I can properly host our first Cookie Party tonight.

We dragged all the kids with us, and the ones we occassionally get to borrow, and they stuffed their pockets with candy.

Cookies to decorate gives a little bit of a screen break. 🙂

When Dwayne transformed this corner of the yard, I don’t think he meant to be another Christmas light canvas.

Wes and Parker invented their own game that must have been called “I am so bored waiting for Denise to do all the work to pack up and leave the cabin.”

Bad Mice

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I went to the cabin to repair the stove and put up Christmas decorations. I keep the artificial tree and outdoor lights out in the shed. Here’s why I may come up with another plan:

That is a huge mice nest (three mice were in the box when I opened it), and several light strings had been gnawed down to the wire. The tree wasn’t as bad as the lights, but I reconnected the outside faucet and hosed it all down. Hmm, cats and mice cause me the most unnecessary work these days.

National Swearing Day, 2023

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We woke to cold, crisp skies on what might be our favorite family holiday, National Swearing Day, the day after Thanksgiving and when we get our Christmas tree. Dwayne and Wes are Team Big Tree and Kyla and I are on the losing Team Reasonable Tree. I suspect Piper will always support her father’s team.

After a few years of having to go to multiple lots (or 50 miles) to find our tree, I stood by the first tall tree at the first farm we went to this morning and watched the others reject several trees before coming back to the first one.

Kyla and Dwayne did the hard parts of the job, while I just made sure the mistletoe worked.

A 10-11′ tree is not easy to set up or decorate, and it took all five of us a few hours to get this one ready for its 6-week visit. I’m particularly taken with the owl vibe, as no one really needs an angel with a stick up her, well, you know.

Merry Christmas, Everyone! The season begins in earnest.